Comments

For Ocean

I think in your article, a point intertwines in different view and it’s good. To give my advice, in my personal opinion, first, you should separate your article into paragraphs. Second, there are many long sentences in it; you could revise by condensing it in belief form.

To Roxy
There are some grammar errors in your paper and you can correct them. Uh….in fact, I can’t tell what’s your response of the article. I think you can reinforce your personal ideas more and say much deeper about what you’d discuss. Besides, in whole, the connection between paragraphs could be much stronger.

To陳怡如
The beginning of your article is great, because you tell the readers the work cited. In my viewpoint, I think you don’t have to mention that separating the article into two. You can summarize it directly and just present the main ideas of origin one. Besides, I think you can focus only one or two points to say them much deeper, not repeating them again. And you can revise your paper to condense your summary and reinforce your response.